Dearest Jess (Fresh out of Matric)
I cannot tell you to leave your day dreaming at the door because you never will. If a time-machine existed and this letter could go back to you I know that you would not stop idealising University life. I know this because in the past months at Rhodes I’ve gotten to know you a lot better than ever before. I didn’t leave you behind at Fairmont, but instead I was forced to deal with all the problems that you had times one million.
Your first term at Rhodes will be alright. You’ll get homesick but still believe that you made the right choice. In the second term you will break down and want to go home. You will hate the person that you have become. You will wish that you had gone to AAA and moved downstairs with Christine. You won’t tell anybody this because you will not want to admit that you made the wrong decision. You will go home for the long weekend and make a stupid mistake that disappoints everybody, especially you.
Third term will change all of that. You will start to do the things that you want to do and not just what is expected of you. You will have so much fun and make so many mistakes. You will learn how to control your moods. You will accept the way that you are and start to enjoy it. You will realise exactly how drastically you have changed for the better and realise that it was all worth it. You will also find out how hard you are going to have to work to get where you want to be. You will force yourself to stop hiding behind your day dreams and face reality. Then you will go back to day dreaming.
Your first year at Rhodes University is not going to be easy. You will revert back to your old ways of dealing with things more than once. That voice that narrates your life with a condescending tone will still be there but you will learn to shut it up once in a while. You’ll grow as a person and then go home where you’re expected to be the same. Your first year at Rhodes will challenge you to re-evaluate who you want to be. It will also be the best year of your life so far.
I was going to warn you and give you advice that would help you to avoid all the mistakes that I have made but all those mistakes will shape you into somebody that you might actually like.
Have fun breaking all the rules you set for yourself.
Jess (First year Rhodes student)
P.S. Listen to your mom’s advice on New Years eve. She may know a thing or two.
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4 comments:
http://1styearspread.blogspot.com/2008/09/when-feeling-lonely.html
I really like the way you just break it down to Jess. The way you tell them hoe its going to be step by step and I find this is true because on my post I wrote more about the actual homesickness feeling is like and how to handle it in order for my “sisterhood” to net get her heart broken because it is very easy to do things one wouldn’t normally do if they aren’t feeling the pressure of being lonely. Truth is, it does get better at the end and as soon as one gets used to this place.
Lady Decoy
Dear Jess
When reading your letter to your younger self, I was struck by how much you battle to accept yourself and deal with the problems that you face everyday. Similarly, my first year at Rhodes has seen me turn to many wrong and harmful ways to deal with my feelings and problems, which has mostly been caused by how much I too am disappointed in myself.
Just as you talk about hating yourself, my letter expresses the self doubt and anger that I had for myself and my body, which later manifested itself as an eating disorder, and, although you are not specific, it seems you could not cope with your problems either.
However, it is refreshing to read that you like yourself more these days, and my letter too can attest to that process of learning to love one's self. The growth of a young woman seems to be the common thread between our messages to ourselves, I just hope we both manage to be strong and focus on our journey ahead.
Peace Out
Meg
P.S. This is where you can find my letter, http://4burstbubbles.blogspot.com/2008/09/letter-to-my-younger-self.html
Dear Jess
I really enjoyed your letter as I see a lot of myself in your words. When I finished school and embarked on a new adventure I felt the same way; unsure, scared and constantly doubting myself and my decisions. I was in London trying to stand on my own two feet at the tender age of eighteen. It took a while but I finally settled in and began to enjoy life again. Who was to know that years later I would return to South Africa to come to Rhodes University and find myself back in the same situation? A new place, new people, a totally different way of life and with that the doubt and confusion managed to creep back into my mind but through good friends, time and adjustment I have made Rhodes home. I like you have come to realise that if it was easy it wouldn’t be worth it and that mistakes are to be learnt from and life to be lived as best I can!
So good luck and I hope you have one hell of an adventure!
Tarryn
http://www.talesfromarhodent.blogspot.com
Hi Jess,
I found your letter to be very real. This is why I identified with you – it.
As tough as things seem at the time, in hindsight, the issues at present really are not all that huge are they? I like the way you expressed the fact that in order to learn a lesson, or how to overcome something, you need to experience things personally, first hand for yourself. I fully agree with you. I am older; I will be 27 in November and I am first year! Be inspired! This in itself is a challenge, but not nearly as challenging in reality as what I had originally thought it would be in my mind. Our biggest fears exist in our minds. We are our own worst enemies!
I am proud of you for rising up and facing life, instead of allowing yourself to be swallowed up by hard times. The truth is that we all experience hardships. Your stories will help someone else one day! Keep pressing, hoping and believing amazing things for your life.
Best regards,
Michelle Rowe
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