What's your idea of 'easy'?

By Samantha de Villiers

Most students at Rhodes University have noticed the boy/girl ratio and the serious overpopulation of girls in Grahamstown. The question is not why there is this unbalanced ratio but more the question of what are the implications of it. In my opinion, coming from a girls perspective, the significance of this disequilibrium between genders creates a semi-hidden sexual tension among girls. There has always been an assumed 'cattiness' about the way girls treat each other, but never before has it been so blatantly approached. The more girls to one guy the more the female population of Grahamstown feel the need to elevate their association with the opposite sex. What is meant by 'elevation'? Indeed, I am referring to girls feeling they should 'put themselves out there' more, meaning that moral boundaries are a thing of the past!

Although Grahamstown, in general, has a fairly relaxed approach to life, what goes on behind closed Res room doors is no mystery. As one student said, “It's so easy to 'get laid' at Rhodes, it's all about who you know and whether they're willing”. But the behaviour is not only like this when no body's watching. The female allegiance has disappeared within Rhodes, girls feel more inclined to side with boys rather than girls, for one simple reason. Girls are threatened. A cheating boyfriend is never to blame, it was the fault of the assumed flirtatiousness of the other girl and her inability to keep her claws off her man. It's this kind of mentality that is slowly destroying the romance in the world today. I seem like a bit of an idealist, I'm sure. But realistically speaking, romance is already dead. The newest gossip on campus is about two first-year students that are engaged after a month of dating, would this ever happen a decade ago? This strikes me as a desperate cry for attention and a blunt sign of immaturity. Why would any student just beginning their independence, make one of the most sacred binding promises between two soul mates, if not for the comfort of decreasing the risk of this savage game of courtship played by students today.

The age-old game of courting and abstinence has come to a grinding halt. Men are not used to making the decisions or having to say 'no', and women are not familiar with such a lack of morality. It's almost like the world is in turmoil. Kissing means nothing and sex is meaningless, when everything is already done, what next? That is why there is such a thrill in doing what is wrong because people are becoming more and more numb to issues of the heart and the natural high it provides. How could we let something this destructive eat its way into our small Rhodes community, let alone allow ourselves to be controlled by 'the game'.

It's not about addressing the issue of abstinence or the risks sex involves, nor about the approaching the problem of morality. It's about calling back the link girls lose when they are distracted by competition. Addressing the fact that there is a code to be followed and compliance with the code is vital in every aspect of life. Because matters of the heart are the hardest subject to resolve especially when they are this out of control.

How to keep it real in Varsity

Dear Rose
So you made it out of high school and straight to university you went, right after the pit stop you made at college. You are probably thinking what an amazing waist of time that was. But hey, if you think about in depth, it was a blessing in disguise. The time you oh so ‘waisted’ at college enabled you to refer to yourself as a Rhodent. Besides you have many friends back home who would kill for the opportunity of being in university, so be grateful.

Now let me fill you in with the general things I feel you might face. Varsity life is not what you think it is it is a whole lot different I tell you. No one reminds you that you have assignments to hand in, or readings to prepare for, and no… they do not take register, so whether you make it to lectures or not, it is your own loss or maybe even your gain, unless if you are an aspiring lawyer. You face real political, religious and sexual issues. Where you meet people like Suzie who arrive at Rhodes being virgins and ‘staunch Christians’, only to leave Rhodes having degrees in ‘Equilibrium’ or better yet ‘Friars’ and have been ‘laid’ during O-week for crying out loud. Ntombenhle who signed up for all the societies she has ever dreamt of, and thinks it is okay to do so only because her friend is adventurous and only has a dog as a sibling. The difference between them is, her friends father is loaded… well being CEO for Unilever he must be. And she has five brothers and four sister who are all still under her parents care, so she has to go easy on that financial aid. Tshepo tries so hard to adapt to varsity and pulls the whole fitting in stunt by playing rugby, when he knows very well that black people are born into soccer or nothing, and being like him growing up in Soweto playing soccer with a tennis ball was the best way. Sthembile, who has probably never used a shower before and the boys at his res seem to be having a good laugh about it, well it is not his fault the Waskom did his family justice.

Basically what I am tying to say is that you are privileged enough to have someone like me to warn you about things like these. Do not laugh at Suzie instead take her to church with you once and she might get back on track. Invite Ntombenhle over for supper at your place when it is society sign up evening, trust me she would appreciate it. Buy Tshepo a soccer ball kicking oval balls is not his idea of enjoying sports. And all Sthembile needs is a little white lie, all he needs is someone to laugh at for a change. Rose my dear many enrol only to be excluded and have their DP’s taken away. The secret to conquering Varsity is trusting in Him who has had mercy on you and showered you with His grace. And remember those who leave everything in God’s hand will learn to see God’s hand as everything. Janis Joplin says, "Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got".
Your Loving Better Half
Nomzamo